10 Suggestions for Parents to Help Children's Emotions Stay In Control

This is the second post regarding self regulation in children. The previous post discussed how we set children up for potential meltdowns with our hectic lifestyles.  As parents, we need to advocate for more unstructured, free play for children to help them to develop self regulation skills.  Here are a few changes that you can make to your family schedule to help children learn how to stay in control:

1.  Cut down on extra car rides - combine errands on the way home from work, don't sign up for extracurricular activities that are far from home or walk whenever possible.  

2.  Don't sign up young kids for too many organized activities.  Let younger children just play indoors or outside.  They will most likely get more physical activity playing outdoors when compared to waiting their turn at a team sport practice, dance class or language lessons.  For older kids, do not sign up for more than one activity at a time.  Make sure that children have some downtime each day.    

3.  Eat meals at home more often.  Pre-plan menus for the week to make it easier to prepare meals at home.  

4.  Stop hovering.  Back off from your children in certain situations.  This has been a big game changer for me.  Years ago, when our four oldest children were not school age I spent hours at the parks or story hours.  I hovered like crazy constantly telling my children to share, wait your turn, etc. It definitely makes for nice manners which is important but I interfered way too often, eliminating their ability to do that on their own.  

5.  Slow down and smell the roses!  I know life is busy, trust me!  Just try to occasionally slow down and let the children go at their own pace.  Maybe start with only 15 minutes a day where you just slow down, sit on the floor or dawdle behind them letting them lead.

6.  Unplug everyday for a certain amount of time.  Follow the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations to limit screen time to 2 hours or less per day.  This will be difficult at first if it is new to your family, but trust me over time your children will be more engaged, creative and independent.  They will be bored on occasion but will find things to do on their own.  Start out offering some suggestions of what to do when the screens go off ie. read, crafts, activity books, etc.      

7.  Create a structured homework routine to get it completed as efficiently as possible to allow for free time. Distractions will make it harder to complete the work so turn off the television, keep an organized space and encourage children to focus on their work.  Allow for physical activity prior to homework so the child's brain is ready to focus.

8.  Allow some extra time when you are getting ready, preparing meals or chore time.  Even 5 minutes more can be enough time for your child to tie their own shoes, put on their coat, wash a few dishes or pour a bowl of cereal.

9.  Kids should play outside every day for at least 6o minutes a day.  That's it, plain and simple - head outdoors!

10.  Advocate for more recess time at your children's school.  Here is a great article to get started with research to back up Why Recess Is Important for all children.

10 Reasons Why Children Have Trouble with Self Regulation

Lately, I have been wondering why kids seem to act out more? Child rearing has changed so much over the last few decades. Children's ability to self regulate and control their emotions is greatly influenced by their environment. Here are 10 things that have changed over the years that can affect a child's ability to self regulate. 

1.  Kids ride in the car way too long! Years ago many families only had one car.  Kids walked or rode their bicycle or you just didn't go.  All that riding in the car, kids start to get impatient and tired. 

2. Kids play organized sports too young or too many hours of organized sports a week. Participating in organized sports requires the ability to follow multi step motor commands, waiting your turn and following rules. Many young kids are not ready developmentally to even do that for a 60-90 minute practice.  Older kids can't hold their emotions together after hour upon hour of structured, rigorous practice.  When I was a child, organized sports did not start until 5th grade.  Now it starts as young as 2 years old. 

3.  Families eat out more often which translates into more waiting.  With dual income households or single working parents, after a long day at work making dinner can be difficult.  Gone are the days that dinner is on the table waiting for the kids after playing outside after school. 

4.  Helicopter parenting.  Parents are right on top of their kids.  Do this, don't do this, share, make nice, blah blah blah (guilty as charged sometimes).  Kids sometimes don't even get a chance to make a decision.  We try so hard for them to avoid conflict that when it does occur they are not ready for it.      

5.  Families are in a state of constant rushing. There is no time to dawdle, jump in a puddle, or watch the clouds float by.  Frequently, work comes home with parents.  Thanks to email and cell phones, gone are the days when you left your job and 5:00 and didn't think about it again until 9:00am. Rush, rush, rush to the next scheduled activity. When little ones pass by a dandelion and can't make a wish, stop and search for the perfect rock or walk along the curb they get grumpy. 

6.  Kids zone out on television or technology all day long. Years ago you could only watch children's programming certain times per day. Otherwise, there was complete junk on tv so you turned it off.  You went and found other things to do when you were bored instead of zoning out with a tablet. 

7.  Kids have more homework. This cycle begins at a very young age. Preschoolers have homework. Elementary school and older can have hours of homework. This makes for very little downtime in children's lives. 

8.  Children have less time to learn to be independent.  It is easier for parents to just do it for the kids sometimes rather than slow down and let the children do it themselves. When a toddler wants to put on his own shoes and mom/dad has to run off to work, the toddler melts down when all he/she wants to do it be independent.

9.  Kids don't play outside enough.  When I was a child and we would get rambunctious, our mother would yell "go outside!" and she didn't mean for 5 minutes.  We would head outdoors for hours, burn off steam and be ready to come indoors for dinner with our bodies and emotions in control.

10.  Children have less recess time during the school day.  If you had to sit all day long, listening to a teacher, following rules and never getting a break you will be at risk for a meltdown too!   

Read the next blog post for 10 Suggestions to Help Children Stay In Control.

STOP Digitally Sedating Your Kids!

When young children need to wait at a restaurant, doctor's appointment, a siblings basketball game, etc. do you toss a tablet or smartphone in front of them?  This type of digitally sedation may be harming your child's ability to develop patience and self regulation.  Children need to gradually learn how to sustain attention, control their behavior and emotions and to simply wait.  When you offer excessive stimulation to children the second they start to wiggle you create a vicious cycle of zoning out on technology instead of interacting with the real world.

I am extremely concerned about overall child development when I see children as young as 5 with their own iphones.  It saddens me to see healthy 8 year old boys sitting underneath a tree at a playground huddled around a smartphone.  The teenage years should be spent hanging out and socializing not taking hundreds of selfies.   

I hear many parents say "what's the big deal?" technology is a part of our everyday world.  Children have to be exposed to it and learn how to use it at an early age.  I couldn't agree more!  Children do need to learn how to use technology in order to function in the education system and the work force. Watching Netflix is not learning technology. Zoning out on cause and effect apps is not learning technology.  Trolling through Instagram is not learning technology.  

You know what the solution is to fix the digital sedation. STOP bringing babies and young children to situations where you need to keep them waiting for long periods of time. Going out to dinner with a mobile baby or even worse a toddler can be torture.  They are hungry and want the food right away. They don't want to sit in a high chair while they wait and listen to you talk.  So here is a tip - eat at home as often as you can until they get older.  Don't eat at restaurants where you have to order drinks, then appetizers and then the main meal.  It is an unrealistic expectation to think that a toddler will sit for that long without some fall out.  That being said, on occasion you do need to eat out or bring a toddler to an event where they need to sit still (ie church, sporting events, assemblies, etc).  Instead of digitally sedating your child, try bringing a small bag of items to entertain a baby.  Bring books, a few crayons, a small notebook and a special snack.  Maybe toss in some boredom buster activities for older children if you will be waiting a long time. You may not get 30 minutes of sitting still but you should get a few minutes.  This teaches the child to sustain their attention, sit quietly when necessary, control their bodies while waiting and self regulation skills in general.  The CHILD is learning to control their body and emotions not external solutions like passive technology.   

When you go to certain places especially outdoors, ban technology.  Enjoy nature, play at the playground or ride a bicycle.  At dinner time, establish a no technology rule for all family members to help children learn to wait, practice table manners and socialize in person not just via social media.  One of my biggest pet peeves is people who use social media while sitting around the dinner table!  

Making all of these suggestions happen is hard work! Parenting would be so much easier if we allowed unlimited use of technology and digital sedation - certainly a lot quieter!

Waiting Games - 20 Games to Pass the Time

Waiting Games is a 22 page download of twenty games to play while on a road trip, waiting for an appointment or sitting around a campfire.  This collection of activities encourages children to develop self-regulation, creativity and communication skills while they wait. 

This packet includes games such as 60 Seconds, Reverse 20 Questions, Let's Debate, Outside the Box and more! 

This is an electronic document so immediately following payment you will receive an email with the link to download the book.  You can print it and toss it in the car so you have something to rely on during those times when the kids start to get antsy.  If you don't want to print it, just save the PDF to your smartphone or tablet and take it with you to reference wherever you are.

Download a free sample page - I Spy Memory Lane

To order Waiting Games for $3.99 click on the ADD TO CART button. You will receive an email with a link immediately following payment to download the book.  

Waiting Game - I Spy Memory Lane

This is currently one of our favorite go to games while on a road trip or waiting at a restaurant.  Here is how you play:

This is a twist on the classic waiting game.  Instead of spying something in the room you will spy something from memory.

For example, you will describe an item that you spy in your mind’s eye from your kitchen, a bedroom, your backyard, etc.  For example, you might say “I spy with my little eye something hanging on the wall in our kitchen”.  Everyone then guesses objects that are hanging on your kitchen wall.  If no one guesses it, give an additional clue ie “I spy with my little eye something blue that is hanging on the wall in our kitchen”.  Continue play until someone guesses the object.

Try describing other objects from a favorite book, play or movie that everyone is familiar with.

Want more games to play while you wait?  

Waiting Games is a download of 20 games to play while you are on a road trip, waiting at the doctor's office or restaurant or sitting around the campfire.  The games do not require any equipment just creativity and imagination.

Find out more here or ADD TO CART below to receive your download via email immediately after payment.